Infomercials

You've seen them. Fall asleep on the couch with the television turned on and wake up in the wee hours of the morning, you'll recognize those 30 minute "shows." From the smiling bearded guy selling you a miracle oxygenated cleaning powder that makes dyes disappear in a bowl of water to the fast-talking, street-wise punk selling you a super absorbent sponge-towel that can suck spilled soda through carpet fibers, you'll find yourself mezmerized by their hypnotic pitches.

Of course, they make all the products they want to sell you seem perfect or indispensibly useful. The rotisserie grill that fits on your countertop can flawless cook a whole frozen chicken in minutes as long as you don't notice the potential fire hazard of the cheaply made parts. The obscenely designed exercise equipment that requires you to "shake it" like your lover's reproductive member in order to obtain amazing upper-body strength is really a joke in and of itself. And then there's the cuddly robe-shaped outfit meant to keep you warm as you recline on your couch to watch more of these ridiculous infomercials when you could have saved a few bucks and just cut holes in your favorite blanket.

Perhaps the most suspicious selling technique of all is the "limited-time only" buying gimmick, which usually involves the pitchman asking the viewer to call within a few minutes and the company will literally double the offer. Double? Two of the same item at the same price? You don't see automobile dealerships with such selling practices. Imagine going to your local Nissan dealership to buy the new model 370Z sportscar and being told that you'll get another one at no extra charge just because you bought it within the span of a 30 minute TV spot. If a company is willing to offer you twice the product for the same amount, then it must be something that is either not good quality or something where they have a lot of stock and they need to get rid of it, i.e., not a best-seller. In other words, just stay away from these items.

Despite all the warning signs and clearly obvious flaws in these mass-produced, cheaply-made, semi-innovative items, the infomercial racket is a multi-billion-dollar business making money hand-over-fist through the unwary, sleepy-eyed or sleep-deprived viewers who have a compulsion to buy the latest gadget "as seen on TV." Sometimes, it's just better to turn off the tube and keep your wallet fat and happy.

~Andrew K.