So Long Suicide

Suicide.

I heard it said once that suicide is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem," and I agree. I'm not sure what causes someone to feel suicidal, perhaps it is depression or a cocktail of prescription drugs. I had my bouts with depression when I was a teenager, thinking that the only way out was to depart this mortal coil. But where would I have gone had I taken the easy way out? Most likely to the Seventh Circle of Hell, on the Middle Ring of the Suicides, turned into a tree mired in greyish muck of despair and having my leaves torn off and eaten by hungry Harpies, all the while Dante and Virgil just stare at me and shake their heads in avuncular disapproval.

Despite what many authors, poets, and playwrights throughout history have portrayed suicide to be, it is far from a pretty process of self-termination. All one has to do is look at some of the images found on websites like CharonBoat.com, where the shocking gore and disturbing depravity of the darker side of human nature have been captured on film for all to bear witness. There are many ways to commit suicide and none are at all pleasant.

• Hanging. Those who hang themselves as a form of suicide are said to choose this method as a way to make a statement, because whoever finds the victim is also the person who receives the most shock, especially if he or she must cut down the lifeless body. But what happens to a hanged victim? The human body's most embarrassing functions are exposed as bowels loosen and soil clothing. Not a pretty way to go by far.
• Gun shot. Sure this method of dispatching yourself is quick--that is, if you don't miss and end up paralyzing yourself instead. But anyone who witnessed the televised suicide of Budd Dwyer (R), former Treasurer of Pennsylvania, may recall that his blood flowed in a gush of slick stupidity. He committed suicide with a pistol like a Japanese feudal lord commits seppuku with a kitana to restore honor to his family's name. But such actions only speak of cowardice, not honor. Dying in such a way actually prevents one from clearing his name. And as the video of Budd Dwyer's death did show, it's not a pretty way to go.
• Slitting wrists turns your bath tub into a bloodbath.
• Drowning yourself leads to bloating of the human skin and makes you look like one of those inflatable punching clowns.
• Put your head in a gas oven or lock yourself in the car garage with the engine running to carry you over into the other world is the way of uncreative people who lacked the imagination to leave life in one last glorious exit.
• Sleeping pills don't scar your body (except on the inside) like other methods do, but you never know how the quick-responding paramedics will react when they come across your dead body in your superhero jammies sprawled out on your suspiciously crusty bedsheets. None of these methods are worthwhile.

So take a line from a Duran Duran song and say "so long suicide," because you have plenty of reasons to go on living no matter what temporary problems you're currently facing. Besides, the means of ending your own life just aren't all that appealing, so...

You might as well live.

~Andrew K.