Star Wars Episode 7

Star Wars fanboys (and fangirls) now have a new reason to rejoice...or do they? The surprise announcement that production will start on a new Star Wars movie due in theaters sometime in the year 2015---a third trilogy starting with Episode 7 and following the original trilogy focusing on characters Han Solo, Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia---has caused a pleasant disturbance in the Force. But what can fans expect?

Well, first off, fans can expect a new Rogue Squadron leader as Star Wars creator George Lucas not only steps down as director, but he has sold the entire Star Wars franchise to Disney. What's that you say...?

We hear you, Lord Vader. NOOOOO!!! That's exactly how we feel about the deal. Though Disney is successful in turning a profit with almost any animation it puts on the silver screen, Disney is also known for mercilessly destroying stories they borrowed from other sources, such as ripping off The Little Mermaid from the original fairy tale composed by Hans Christian Andersen. Disney does to classics what the Death Star did to Alderaan. You can almost hear millions of helpless voices crying out in terror, then suddenly being silenced. Silenced, because nothing can be done. It was Lucas's creation---his marketing Empire---and he sold it. Or "sold out" to an even more evil marketing Empire, i.e., the Disney Corporation stormtroopers. Just imagine the sad display of Darth Vader battling Mickey Mouse in a lightsaber fight scene. It would probably look something like this...

As if the beloved Star Wars franchise didn't have enough dignity stripped away from its original epic storyline with the introduction of those irritating, slobbering, dinosaur-like Gungans, now we will have Mickey and crew to contend with. But Disney did not start the decline of the Star Wars empire, oh no---that came with the introduction of Jar Jar Binks!

Yes, I'm bringing up Jar Jar Binks. Is there anyone in the entire galaxy---even in the Outer Rim territories---who doesn't find that juvenile Gungan utterly annoying? Is there anyone who doesn't think Jar Jar Binks isn't the sole reason why the prequel trilogy (at least the first two episodes) was a failure? That's right, I'm putting the blame on Jar Jar. Mesa ruin Star Wars. You sure did, idiot. George Lucas is to blame for Jar Jar, but what can we expect from Disney? What politically correct character will they thrust upon the Star Wars fandom? Who knows, but I already see a phantom menace on the horizon. I think Luke sees it too...

One thing is for sure, a new Star Wars movie will be greeted with much enthusiasm from long-time sci-fi fans. I think, in the end, most people will give Disney a chance to see what they can do with the legacy that Lucas has left for his millions of devotees. Will Disney take up the lightsaber and blaze a new path for the Star Wars universe and its diverse denizens? Or will the Mickey Mouse House drive the final nail in the sci-fi coffin of a once-great modern-day mythology?

Time will tell, but one thing is certain---Star Wars fans are a picky bunch. Any discernable flaw in filming or any inconsistency in character creation or any uninspiring CGI sequence will likely turn the new movie---and the subsequent episodes---into unwatchable fiascos. Star Wars fans will rip Disney apart like a ravenous Rancor. The following two films will be turned into Banthan fodder by the fanboys. And the sci-fi legacy will be thrown into the Sarlacc pit, never to be seen or heard from again.

Do not let the indignity of Boba Fett's demise similarly fall upon the last remnants of the Star Wars mythos. Let there be a new hope that the Disney empire strikes back with a solid movie hit, so that fans may return to the Jedis (and Sith) with renewed joy and celebration, much like on Endor with those cuddly furball Ewoks.

May the Force be with the new Star Wars Episode VII.

~Andrew K.