Guy Fieri is a Douchebag



Guy Fieri's show on the Food Network

 Diners, Drive-Ins, Dives, and Douchebags. That basically sums up the Food Network's show and the man who mocks the cooking program genre just by his mere presence.

Blond, spiked-mane, unkempt facial-haired host Guy Fieri is the antithesis of the high-quality food show hosts currently found on cable or satellite TV. His obnoxious attitude and disgusting eating habits have brought him some notoriety, but make him look like a buffoon.




Bourdain has disdain for Fieri


Guy Fieri lacks the "common man appeal" that Adam Richman has on Man Vs. Food or the intellectual capacity and sophistication of a well-travelled, true food connoisseur such as Anthony Bourdain in No Reservations or The Layover. Bourdain is a writer whose flair for words matches the often exotic feasts he samples in far-flung destinations. Bourdain does his thing for the love of food, culture, and the existential experience of fine dining. Fieri is a mocking mess of pop culture meets fast food. While Richman and Bourdain do not assert their cooking skills on camera, just watching Fieri cook his failed experiments in haute cuisine makes anyone with an apron seem like a culinary school graduate.

Guy Fieri displays the eating habits of a well-groomed swine.

 Guy Fieri is not even an elegant eater. Even if you consider the comical antics of Adam Richman's rather messy displays of competitive eating on his Travel Channel show, they pale in comparison to the snorting pig, mouth-stuffing gluttony of Guy's gastric habits. Who eats like that? Not even a famished man who has recently returned from a barren desert attacks food with such gaping-mouthed, saliva-slobbering embarrassment.

Guy Fieri is not a trained chef. He has no culinary credentials or even any cooking awards to his name. He's just another vapid TV personality who was paired with a cooking show to give the Food Network a reason to waste people's precious viewing time. Unless you're in a coma and helplessly bedridden in a hospital room, why would you ever want to watch Guy Fieri on the television?



A mammoth-sized ego is possessed by some men to compensate for their---well, you get the picture.


The man is an utter douchebag. Arrogant and self-absorbed are just two of the personality traits he displays in real-life settings. People who have worked for him, either on his television shows or in his restaurant, hold him in low esteem or with contempt. He is the very definition of a douchebag.




Hey, Guy! Why devalue that fridge with your autograph?


In the end, one has to consider why this man is even on TV to begin with. Seriously, why? Did the Food Network believe it was doing a charitable thing by employing this talentless bum? Would it not have been better to just leave Guy Fieri back on whatever street corner he was found so that he could do what he does best, which is spit-shining your automobile's windshield for some spare change? That's right, Guy. Just crawl back under the maggot-infested rock from where and whence you came, you porcupine-haired troglodyte! No one wants to see your glory-hole-sucking fat mouth on television anymore. So just hop on a moon-bound rocket with the entire Kardashian clan and take a one-way trip into outer space without your oxygen helmets, you punk-ass wannabe celebrities!

Guy Fieri is a douchebag! There, I said it. Defend him, if you can.

~Andrew K.