What would Thanksgiving be like without juicy, slow-roasted turkey? What would hungry people eat as their main meal? Would they still serve homemade mashed potatoes like mom makes? Would there still be stuffing without a big roasted bird? Would people open old rusty cans of processed cranberry jelly? Would there be any mouth-watering pumpkin pie? Would there be any freshly baked dinner rolls to dip in the overflowing rivers of gravy? Would there even be Thanksgiving without all this food to feast upon? Quite simply, yes.
Yes, there would be a Thanksgiving. No, I'm not alluding to the historical reason behind this gluttonous feast disguised as a holiday. I'm not even bringing faith and religion into this discussion, whether we should be thankful to God for providing us all these wondrous blessings. Of course, we should be thankful to God. But, I'm being picky here. A turkey. Why? I know. Some people don't like turkey, so they feast on chicken or ham. Vegetarians--and who really gives a flying fuck about them--would probably nosh on some dead dried leaves and sing hyms to Gaia to celebrate their pathetic existence. Nah, it's just the turkey I'm focused on.
So, let me think about it. A big turkey. Big enough to feed a good-sized family. Throw in some side dishes and you have a feast. It's not a chicken, because even the largest chicken doesn't contain enough meat for a big family. Ham--well, let's face it, no one really likes ham--is like the Thanksgiving fruitcake. You give a can of Danish ham to your Jewish or Muslim neighbors for Thanksgiving while not realizing your grave faux pas. Seriously, does anyone really eat ham for Thanksgiving? I guess there are a few folks out there. Pussies!
I can eat turkey. Turkey doesn't have carbohydrates. Carbohydrates are bad. No wait, they're REALLY BAD, especially for me! You see, I was recently diagnosed by my general practice physician as being--not "pre-diabetic"--but full blown diabetic. I'm fortunate in a sense that I don't need insulin shots just yet, but I'm going to need meds, probably starting soon, because diet has not helped me.
I love bread. I pasta. I love pizza. I love french fries. I love all starchy and fatty foods. I love everything that Dr. Atkins' corpse hates! Yeah, he's dead. Good riddance! How dare that deceased health expert bring "carbohydrates" to my attention and make it a dirty word in my nutritional dictionary! Figs! Fuck! Shit...
I'm diabetic.
My paternal grandfather died from advanced stage diabetes. He first lost his eyesight, then had one leg amputated, followed by the other. He took daily insulin shots with what could only be described as a hideously large "horse needle" every morning. He lived the final years of his life with a smile and a cheery personality that reflected how he lived life before succumbing to diabetes. I don't think I can be like my grandfather. I know I will be bitter if I have to change my diet and eat grass for the rest of my days. I hate it.
I hate being diabetic.
But, fuck it, I'm going to splurge BIG TIME this Thanksgiving! You better believe it. That's why I am thankful for the turkey--thankful that my favorite tasty meats don't have those shitty carbohydrates. At least I can eat meat. I will live off of delicious meat. I will hunt down meat like a starving zombie. I'm diabetic, but I'm not going to let it stop me from enjoying some of my favorite foods...
...even if it kills me.
~Andrew K.
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